i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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