I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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