How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
