Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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