my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
