i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I need a beard to bite.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
