my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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