what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
