Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
