Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
