Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
