Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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