He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
