at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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