he puts the penis in happiness.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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