I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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