he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
