Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
