so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
