My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize