he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
