Tell her she can't have a vagina
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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