Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?