i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
