I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
