the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?