yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.