he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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