the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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