He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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