After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
