It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
