it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
