You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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