is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
