I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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