I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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