I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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