Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
