One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
