I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
