I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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