Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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