Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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