I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
