My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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