dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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