I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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