you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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