She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
