The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
