i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
