my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
