Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
