don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
