If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
