i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
