my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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