I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
