I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
