my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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