On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my sisters under your porch take her home
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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