I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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