I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
