This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
