So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
