yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
