Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
