Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
