im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
