No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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