Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
