I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
