i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
