Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
