Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
