just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
