he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
