I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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