This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
