just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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