Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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