I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
