i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
