and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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