It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
