Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
